I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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