hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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