Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
