My room smells like vodka and shame
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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