The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
