i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
