It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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