Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
