ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
