The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize