I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i think i just lost a toe
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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