apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
