i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
