so explain again why im purple
no
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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