So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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