I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
