Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
