Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
