I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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