She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
