that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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