I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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