just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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