Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
