Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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