You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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