Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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