At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
