I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
