fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
