Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
