So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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