oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Please don't give away my fajitas
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