He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
