sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I looked at my own cervix.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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