Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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