I just pynch a tree in the face
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
