You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
