im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
