I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
