The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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