Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
