I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
