The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
a search helicopter?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
