good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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