I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize