I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
