Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
