I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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