I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
