I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
