I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
