So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
