Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
