He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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