How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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