O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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