Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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