some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
