pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
