I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
