Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
