I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
